By Suad Ayinla.
Edited by Bababunmi Agbebi
When did discipline become a conversation instead of a command in Nigerian homes?
For generations, many Nigerian parents believed that strict discipline, unquestioned obedience and the occasional spanking were essential parts of raising responsible children. Today, however, a new approach known as soft parenting is reshaping that belief. Driven largely by millennials and Gen Z parents, the parenting style encourages empathy, calm communication and emotional intelligence without abandoning discipline altogether.
Across Lagos, Abuja and other major cities, the debate is becoming increasingly common in schools, churches and on social media. Videos of parents apologising to their children, explaining punishments instead of shouting, and teaching emotional regulation have attracted millions of views. While supporters describe it as healthier parenting, critics argue that it risks producing children who lack respect for authority and traditional values.
Child psychologists explain that soft parenting is often misunderstood. It does not mean allowing children to do whatever they want; rather, it focuses on setting firm boundaries while treating children with dignity. Instead of using fear as the primary tool for correction, parents are encouraged to understand the reason behind a child’s behaviour and respond with consistent, age-appropriate consequences.
The shift has also exposed a generational divide within many Nigerian families. Grandparents and older relatives often insist that “we were raised with discipline and we turned out fine,” while younger parents argue that many adults are still healing from childhood experiences rooted in fear rather than understanding. The result is an ongoing conversation about whether respect should be earned through intimidation or nurtured through trust.
As Nigeria’s family structure continues to evolve, soft parenting reflects a broader change in how young people view mental health, relationships and child development. Whether it becomes the new normal or remains controversial, one thing is certain: today’s parents are intentionally questioning how tomorrow’s adults should be raised.
So, is soft parenting weakening discipline or is it creating a generation that understands respect, empathy and responsibility better than ever before?
