By Suad Ayinla
Edited by Bababunmi Agbebi
Are Nigerian parents putting too much pressure on their children, or are they simply preparing them for a brutally competitive world? From demanding excellent grades and setting high JAMB targets to insisting on prestigious careers, many Nigerian parents believe they are giving their children the best possible chance at success. But as expectations become increasingly intense, the line between healthy encouragement and harmful pressure can become difficult to see. What begins as motivation can sometimes leave children feeling that their worth depends entirely on their academic performance and future achievements.
Across homes and classrooms in Lagos, Abuja and other parts of the country, many children and young adults face pressure to meet expectations that may not always reflect their abilities or interests. Parents may compare their children with classmates, relatives or neighbours, while poor grades can be treated as a sign of laziness or failure. For students preparing for major examinations such as WAEC, NECO and JAMB, the pressure can be particularly intense. Rising education costs also add another dimension, with some parents feeling that the sacrifices they make to pay school fees must produce excellent results. For children, however, that expectation can translate into constant stress, fear of disappointing their families and anxiety whenever they make mistakes.
The pressure can also extend beyond grades into career choices. Medicine, law, engineering, accounting and other traditionally respected professions remain popular choices among many Nigerian families, but not every child has the interest or aptitude for those fields. When children are pushed towards careers they do not want, they may struggle with motivation and satisfaction later in life. The desire to secure a prestigious course or university can also make some families focus so heavily on results that the child’s individual interests and abilities are overlooked. This raises an important question:
when success becomes more important than the child’s wellbeing, where should parents draw the line?
There is also growing concern about children’s emotional wellbeing. Academic pressure, family conflict, bullying, financial difficulties and uncertainty about the future can all contribute to stress among young people. A child who constantly hears that they are not doing enough may eventually begin to believe that they are not good enough. Some become afraid to discuss poor grades, career doubts or personal struggles with their parents because they fear criticism or punishment. Others hide their difficulties until they become overwhelming. This is why experts often encourage parents to create an environment where children can discuss failure, ask for help and express their feelings without immediately being judged.
At the same time, it would be unfair to portray parents as the problem. Many Nigerian parents are raising children in an extremely competitive environment and genuinely believe that high expectations are necessary for survival. They want their children to have opportunities they never had, and they worry about unemployment, economic hardship and an uncertain future. The issue, therefore, may not be whether parents should have expectations, but how those expectations are communicated. Encouraging a child to study, work hard and develop discipline is different from making them feel worthless because they did not achieve a particular score or choose a particular career.
So, where should Nigerian parents draw the line between pushing their children to succeed and placing too much weight on their shoulders?
Perhaps the answer is not to lower expectations, but to redefine them. Parents can encourage excellence while recognising that children have different abilities, interests and paths. A good JAMB score is valuable, but it should not determine a child’s worth; becoming a doctor may be admirable, but it should not be the only definition of success. In an increasingly uncertain world, perhaps the greatest gift parents can give their children is not a perfect career or impressive certificate, but the confidence to make decisions, recover from failure, remain honest and protect their mental wellbeing along the way.
