By Chiagoziem Abosi
Edited by Bababunmi Agbebi
Your salary enters.
Rent takes a chunk.
Transport takes another.
Food takes another.
You are trying to save.
Maybe you are trying to invest.
Maybe you are paying off debt.
Then your mother calls.
“Your younger brother’s school fees are due.”
And suddenly, the financial plan you made at the beginning of the month has disappeared.
Welcome to the complicated world of family financial responsibility.
In Nigeria, supporting family is often seen as more than generosity.
It can be a responsibility.
If you are the first child, especially, you may hear:
“You are the one they are looking up to.”
You may be expected to contribute to your siblings’ education, assist your parents, pay medical bills, support relatives or contribute to family events.
And honestly, there is nothing inherently wrong with helping your family.
The difficult question is:
How much is too much?
Because there is a difference between helping your parents when they need you and becoming responsible for every financial problem in the family.
There is even a name for this phenomenon: black tax.
It refers broadly to financial support people provide to extended family or community members, particularly when those responsibilities affect their own financial progress.
A 2025 Savings Report found that 63% of Nigerian income earners surveyed said they pay black tax either consistently or occasionally 30% consistently and 33% occasionally.
The same report found that only 29% of respondents who have family commitments said they felt fully in control of those commitments, while others described them as challenging or overwhelming.
That tells us something important.
Family responsibility can be meaningful.
But it can also become financially exhausting.
So, do children owe their parents?
This is where things get complicated.
Parents spend years raising their children.
They pay school fees.
They provide food.
They make sacrifices.
So, it is understandable that many parents expect their children to support them when they become adults.
But does that mean an adult child should sacrifice their own financial stability to meet every family demand?
I don’t think there is a universal answer.
A person earning ₦500,000 and someone earning ₦100,000 cannot reasonably be expected to carry the same financial burden.
Someone with three children and a mortgage has different responsibilities from someone living alone.
Someone whose parents have pensions and other income has a different situation from someone whose parents have no reliable source of support.
Capacity matters.
There is another part of this conversation we don’t discuss enough.
Young adults need to build financial stability.
They need emergency savings.
They may want to buy a home.
They may want to start a business.
They need to prepare for retirement.
They may want to marry and raise children.
If every increase in their income immediately becomes an increase in family obligations, when exactly do they get to build their own financial foundation?
A 2025 report found that more than half of Nigerians surveyed begin each month unsure whether their income will cover their basic expenses, while only four in 10 reported having emergency funds.
That puts the situation into perspective.
You cannot keep asking someone to give from money they don’t have and call it financial responsibility.
Maybe helping should have boundaries
Supporting your family does not have to mean solving every problem.
It could mean contributing to your parent’s medical care when you can.
Helping with your sibling’s education without paying every expense.
Sending a fixed amount home each month.
Or simply being honest when you cannot afford something.
And perhaps families also need to have more conversations about shared responsibility.
Also, Parents can plan for their later years.
Siblings can contribute according to their abilities.
Adult children can support their parents without being expected to carry an entire extended family.
Because helping family should ideally be an act of love, not a financial sentence.
So, what do we actually owe our families?
Perhaps the answer is not a specific percentage of your salary.
Perhaps it is support within your capacity.
You can love your parents and still have financial boundaries.
You can help your siblings and still save for your own future.
You can say “I can’t afford that” without being an ungrateful child.
And perhaps parents can also recognise that their children’s financial stability is not selfishness.
Sometimes, letting your child build a stable life is itself a form of family investment.
Now let’s settle this one.
How much financial responsibility should an adult child carry?
Should you prioritise your parents and siblings before yourself?
Or should building your own financial stability come first?
And for the firstborns especially: are you supporting your family, or are you carrying your family?
Tell us your experience in the comments. Let’s have the conversation.
