Chiagoziem Abosi
Edited by Bababunmi Agbebi
Dating in Nigeria has become expensive enough to require a budget, complicated enough to require strategy, and apparently confusing enough to require a committee meeting.
But beneath all the jokes about who should pay for dinner, who should text first and what someone’s salary should be before they are considered “ready for a relationship,” there is a bigger question:
What are actually reasonable dating standards in 2026?
Because somewhere along the line, having standards and having a wish list became the same thing.
And having basic expectations is now sometimes described as “doing too much.”
So, let’s shake the table a little.
Communication is not a luxury
Wanting someone who communicates properly should not be considered a high standard.
You should be able to tell the person you’re dating when something is bothering you. They should be able to tell you when their feelings have changed. Nobody should have to decode a three-word WhatsApp reply like it is an international intelligence report.
You don’t need someone who is available every second of the day.
But consistency, honesty and basic communication?
That’s reasonable.
Effort should not be one-sided
Here’s where things get interesting.
If one person is always planning the dates, making the calls, checking in, travelling across town and finding ways to spend time together while the other person simply shows up, something is off.
Effort doesn’t have to look identical.
One person might plan the date. The other might pay. Someone might cook. The other might organise the weekend.
The point isn’t necessarily 50/50.
The point is mutual effort.
If you constantly have to ask someone to act like they actually want to be with you, that’s probably not a standard problem.
That’s a relationship problem.
And yes, money matters.
Let’s not pretend it doesn’t.
Dating costs money, especially in Lagos.
Transport costs money. Food costs money. Activities cost money. Even “let’s just hang out” can somehow become a ₦20,000 outing before you realise what happened.
So, should one person always pay?
Not necessarily.
There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting a partner who enjoys providing, especially if that is the kind of relationship both people genuinely want.
But expecting one person to finance an entire relationship while contributing nothing simply because “that’s what a man is supposed to do” is a different conversation.
The reasonable standard should be financial honesty and compatibility.
If one person wants a traditional provider relationship and the other wants a financially equal partnership, neither person is necessarily wrong.
They may simply be wrong for each other.
Standards are not the same as unrealistic expectations
Wanting a partner who is respectful, emotionally mature, faithful, hardworking and intentional?
Reasonable.
Wanting someone who is six feet tall, earns seven figures, owns a house, drives a particular car, looks like a celebrity, replies immediately, travels internationally every year, pays every bill, never disagrees with you and somehow has unlimited time?
That’s no longer a standard.
That’s a recruitment specification.
And sometimes social media makes the problem worse.
We see couples going on luxury dates, receiving surprise gifts and travelling to beautiful destinations, then start measuring ordinary relationships against carefully edited highlights.
A relationship can be healthy without looking expensive on Instagram.
Should your partner spoil you?
Sure.
Should they make you feel special?
Absolutely.
But gifts should be an expression of affection, not an entrance fee into the relationship.
If someone cannot afford a fancy dinner but consistently shows up for you, communicates, respects you and makes an effort, does that automatically make them a bad partner?
Probably not.
And if someone can afford everything but treats you terribly, the expensive dates aren’t exactly a bargain.
The real standard should be compatibility
Perhaps we have been asking the wrong question.
Instead of asking:
“What should a man provide?”
Or:
“What should a woman bring to the table?”
Maybe we should ask:
“What kind of relationship are the two of us trying to build?”
Because your reasonable standard may be someone else’s deal-breaker.
You may want someone who pays for every date.
Someone else may prefer to split expenses.
You may want constant communication.
Someone else may value independence and space.
You may want marriage within two years.
Someone else may not even be thinking about marriage.
None of these automatically makes one person right and the other wrong.
But pretending these differences don’t matter is how people end up six months into a relationship arguing about expectations that should have been discussed on date three.
So, what is the bare minimum?
Respect.
Honesty.
Consistency.
Communication.
Faithfulness.
Emotional safety.
Mutual effort.
And the freedom to be yourself without constantly feeling like you’re auditioning for someone’s affection.
Everything else?
Negotiate.
Talk about money. Talk about sex and boundaries. Talk about marriage. Talk about children. Talk about religion, lifestyle, career ambitions and family expectations.
Don’t assume.
Don’t build a relationship around TikTok relationship advice.
And please, don’t date someone because they meet society’s checklist if they make you miserable.
At the end of the day, reasonable dating standards aren’t about finding a perfect person. They’re about knowing what you need, communicating it clearly and finding someone whose expectations can coexist with yours.
And yes, you are allowed to have standards.
Just make sure they’re standards, not fantasies disguised as requirements.
Now let’s really shake the table.
What do you consider the bare minimum in dating today?
And what dating expectation do you think people have started demanding that is simply unrealistic?
