Growing up with African parents

By Opeyemi Kareem

African parents are famous for being conservative, dramatic and extraordinarily strict. 

It is safe to say that many who grow up with African parents share similar childhood experiences. Here are some things that every child raised by African parents will recognise as a regular occurrence in their homes.

Report card day is one of the dreaded days for every child with African parents. You didn’t top the class and you dare show them your report card? Every African parent expects their child to be the first and nothing less because  when they were in school, they always topped their class. Regardless of how untrue that statement might be, presentation of anything less than first position will be followed up by the familiar question; “does the person with 1st position have two heads?” 

Bisola, now a university student, shared her experience from her early secondary school days.

“I remember one time during prize-giving day in school, I ran into my mum in the crowd while I was ushering. 

She said: ‘Bisola, if you don’t collect prize, you will not follow me home.’ 

She said it in Yoruba and I knew she was serious. Well, I didn’t collect gift. She took me home, but didn’t fail to express her disappointment throughout the ride, even till the next day.”

Growing up with African parents means that you are either going to become a doctor, lawyer or engineer till you became old enough to make your own decision. Any profession other than these three are seen as irrelevant and a waste of time. You set yourself up for a series of confrontation when you speak about your passion for music or art while your African parents are telling you how you will be the one to diagnose and prescribe drugs for them when you become a doctor.

The ultimate taboo is when they see you with the opposite gender. 

You will never hear the end of it. The girls will receive the, “if a man touches you, you will get pregnant” talk, while the boys will be  told that any girl they impregnate, is not their concern. 

African parents are known to shirk their responsibility for providing sex education for their children but will not hesitate to show their displeasure when you are seen in the presence of the opposite gender. The tables then turn when you grow older and they start asking you for your husband or wife.

Being able to recognise eye signals is a superpower got from them. There is a look for everything – when to greet, when to stand, when to eat, when to stop eating, when to keep quiet, when to talk or when you are in trouble. 

Not recognising these signals is a recipe for disaster, especially when it comes to eating at a stranger’s house. Once you receive that look from your parents, the alarms in your head go off and if you disobey, a little prayer for your impending doom will suffice. 

Ajibola, a university student said, “I remember when I ate at a family friend’s house, I was really hungry. I saw the look; I saw it, but I didn’t know what it meant. When I got home, you should know what happened. My mum beat me, I couldn’t cry. I knew it will make things worse. I remember that day and I laugh every time. I should have known.” 

Every parent has a set of disciplinary measures, but in an African home, there are stipulated objects used for discipline – the regular stick cane, broom, slippers, belt or any reachable object at the time of discipline. If none of these objects were used on you, you probably weren’t a troublemaker or you were raised by a different breed of African parents. Crying makes the beatings worse, so every African child is programmed to remain silent, while receiving the strokes and then going to cry secretly. 

Growing up in an African home is not easy. There are many more things African parents do that is either laughable, exhausting or maddening. However, there is no denying that they do all these because they want the best for their children by giving them what they didn’t have. 

Many people have experiences, so share any experience you had while growing up with African parents in the comment section below.

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