Challenges of Single Moms

Being a single parent in Ikeja city is difficult. Single parents, who are mostly mothers, do not get any help like widows. They must care for their children alone, even when things are hard.

Single all the money worries in the family by themselves. Most cannot find good jobs or get more education to improve their options. So they sell small things on the street, like food or household items, to get by. 

 Even working many hours a day, they do not earn much money and can never be sure they will sell enough.  Some mothers opt for teaching in any school they can find. We interviewed some women to share their stories about surviving as single moms. 

Speaking to Mrs Adesewa Bamidele in Oregun, a mother of three children, on how she survived as a single mom.

Can you please introduce yourself and describe your family situation?

Orúkọ mi ni Alhaja Adesewa Bamidele, Mo jẹ olokada kékéké ati iya mejidinlọgọn omo tó gá jù lára. Ọkọ mi fi mi ati awọn omo sile nípa àrin ebi mẹ́rìn. Sùgbọ́n mo gba gbogbo wọn lóríi káàkiri lóríi  

English: “ My name is Alhaja  Adesewa Bamidele., I am a petty trader and a mother of three beautiful children. My husband left me and the kids about eight years so I have carried these children all by myself” 

I work very hard-o to feed my children even though it is not easy without their baba. Somedays I hussle from morning reach night before I can make small money that we go use chop for one week. This life no balance for single mother o! I dey try make my pikin dem get better future even with little wey I get.

What are your challenges issues with money and providing for your family?

My sister, the suffering wey I dey manage as single mama e too much o. “ Láti mú un sọ àwọn ọmọ mẹ́rìnlá ọgọ́rùn ni àti ara mi lónìí, ó ti ńtọ́ si” . The money wey I dey make from my small market stall no dey enough. Many nights I go sleep hungry so my pikin dem fit chop.

No be only to carry money wahala for head, but to take care of all the things for house and look after three children alone, e dey pass me sometimes. From cooking to washing, to making sure they do homework, to working long hours, na only me one person dey do am all. My body dey pain me, but I no get choice.

How do you manage everything from taking care of your children to working on your own? 

Aunkofi ati fífọ̀-náà tí mo ń gbé lórí yí ó pọ́jù, mo kò ní látèjì ( Translations : The stress and worry I carry is too much, I won’t lie ) . Somedays I go just sit down, cry cry, dey wonder how I go cope. But , na me be the papa and mama. So I dey try manage everything small-small. 

 I go do housework for morning before I commot go market. In the afternoon I go check on pikin dem make sure they chop food from school before I run go back to market close late. Na so we just dey manage survive day by day by God’s grace. No be small thing o but we dey alright sha, we still dey smile through am all.

Have you received any support from government programs, local charities, or your communities? If no, what is most needed?

Bẹ́ẹ̀ni sista mi, the better help wey I don get na from my church. My church people, God bless them, them don try well-well for me. One time like that, na them pay my house rent when I never get the complete money.

So na mostly my church people dey give me support. If no be them, this single mama work for don finish me since. But by God’s grace and with their help small-small, we still dey manage survive like this.

Speaking to a teacher and mother of six children, Mrs Adebisi in Oregun on how she survived as a single moms

Can you describe your family situation?

 I have been raising six children alone for 10 years now. Their father left us to follow another woman, families kept promising that he would come back but a decade passed without his return. I found hope to provide for our kids. The days have been long, but we bless God. 

What are your challenges with money and providing for your family?

Things have gotten better now because two of my children have graduated, but the first five years were really hard. I had a small job as a teacher where they paid me a little, but feeding six children was extremely difficult. 

I  walked long distances to the school where I was teaching to save my transport money. It was debt after debt trying to pay school fees for secondary school and university. I did contribution after contribution, begging people to help because it was truly difficult. I can’t count how many extra lessons and jobs I was doing on the side.  

Did you receive support from government programs, local charities, or communities? If no, what do you think could have helped? 

No, the school owner where I taught was immensely helpful to my family. Knowing our daily struggles, she generously provided full scholarships for my three youngest children. 

The RCCG parish where I worshipped also did not abandon me. Small financial gifts from the members and leaders put food on the table and helped with university bills. They gave me emotional support, community and care.

 10 major Struggles of Single Moms 

Based on our discussion with these women and a poll we carried out on other single moms in Nigeria, here are the 10 major struggles of single moms.

1. Hard Work for Little Pay

They work long hours selling things in busy markets or on the streets, but the money they make can barely sustain them. 

2. Poor Living Condition 

They live in small apartments with very little furniture. Some don’t even have a proper kitchen or a private bathroom. And sometimes, landlords threaten to kick them out of their homes.

3. Sole Care-Giver 

Being the only adult at home with several kids is not easy. They do everything, from taking care of the house to making sure the kids do well in school. And most of the time, they can’t afford childcare.

4. Scarce Access to Healthcare

Getting medical help is hard when you don’t earn much. So, when someone in the family is sick, they often rely on home remedies instead of going to the doctor.

5.  Food Insecurity 

Buying healthy food is expensive, so single moms mostly stick to basic foods like rice and beans. It’s a big sacrifice to make sure there’s enough food on the table every day.

6. Facing Judgment and Unfair Treatment

People in the neighbourhood and even at school talk about them and treat them unfairly because they’re single moms. It’s not easy dealing with all the gossip and criticism.

7. Few  People to Lean On

Their families don’t always help, and they don’t have many friends they can rely on. Being alone in their struggles makes them feel very isolated.

8.  Stress and Depression 

With so much to do and not enough help, single moms often feel stressed, sad, and even hopeless. They don’t always have someone to talk to about their feelings.

9. Limited Opportunities for Education

Many single moms have to work a lot, so they can’t go to school to learn more. This also affects their children because it’s hard to pay for their education.

10. Finding Strength in Faith

In a place where there’s not much help from institutions, single moms find support in their local churches and mosques. They lean on their faith and encourage each other to keep going.

Even though Ikeja’s single moms don’t get much help from the system, they show incredible strength and determination in the face of really tough challenges. Their hard work and resilience are inspiring examples of how people can keep going no matter what.