ADULTHOOD: Expectation Vs Reality

By Kareem Opeyemi

“I cannot wait to grow up and be an adult so I can do whatever I want.” A common saying from the mouths of most children, adolescents and teenagers. They strongly admire the level of independence depicted by the adults of their time. Many of them believe that adulthood is a smooth sailing ride from having a successful career to financial dominance and finally, getting to do whatever they please. Not long after, these teenagers learn the hard truth that adulthood is far from the effortless lifestyle they picture in their heads.

We asked a number of university graduates about the misconceptions they had about adulthood while they were growing up and if it tallies with reality. Their responses, hilarious as it is, pointed to the fact that the adulthood they ordered is not what they got.

“I used to think that as an adult, I didn’t need money, that I would be able to get anything I wanted because I’m an ‘adult’. Right now, it doesn’t even stand because without money I can’t do anything at all. Anything.” – Bamidele

“When I was young, I thought being an adult means I will be automatically respected and untouchable, but in this country, if you don’t command respect, it will never come to you.” – Moses

“That I wouldn’t have to do anything to have money. I never used to see my uncles and aunts go to work when I was young but they had money. It doesn’t even relate to what I’m going through now.” – Anifowose Oladejo

“I used to think that I could eat anything and not get fat because it is a deal that comes with being an adult. Now I know that is wrong. It’s not like I’m that fat o but I’m currently on a 30 days weight loss journey.” – Mercy

“Once I grow up, I will be free from my Mum and Dad. I used to say that a lot. Boy was I wrong. After school, I was still financially dependent on them till I found a job. I still really need their help from time to time.” – Adeola

“That by 30 I would live in a mansion with the love of my life and lots of children. I am 28 and I still live with my mum. Also I am soooo single. Being an adult is not easy ooo, the adults told us, na we no listen.” – Munachi

People at different stages in their lives face one challenge or the other. Whether as an undergraduate, a graduate, a corps member who has just completed the NYSC programme, a family man/woman or a retiree, the challenges of adulthood come hard and fast at each of these stages.

As an undergraduate, you are worried about school and your grades. You had dreams of graduating with a first class when you entered the university but now you would manage any grade as long as you get your certificate. You are trying your best but these grades just refuse to come up. So you are looking for a plan B – another way to accumulate wealth without having a certificate. You join the ‘school na scam’ gang but not long after, you are hit with the blankness of your curriculum vitae and your lack of requirements to get a job at your level. You decide to become a self-boss but it’s hard balancing school and work but you keep trying. Customers aren’t forthcoming, it seems there is no hope then you have to make a decision; do you stop or continue?

You have graduated. Your certificate is yours and you are patiently waiting for NYSC placement. You have the minimum requirement so you spiral into the tedious search for a job. Atop that, you are plagued with thoughts of independence. You neither want to collect money from your parents nor want to live with them. You are not financially capable but you do it anyway. You are struggling but your will to make it in life is keeping you from falling apart. You keep trying.

You just completed your NYSC programme. The monthly stipend is no longer yours to claim. “What next?” is all you think about. You have goals to achieve, skills to acquire, jobs to find all within a limited time. The country is hard, jobs are scarce and inflation is the order of the day, every day. You want to be completely independent and be on a pedestal of financial stability. The dreams you had as a child seem like a fairy-tale, worlds away. You don’t mind an average paying job, getting paid is all that matters. A few years go by and you are being pressured to settle down and get married. You are not ready but the clamouring won’t stop. It looks like extra work but you do it anyway.

Now a family man/woman you have extra mouths to feed, children you don’t want to let down. You double your grind and try your best to keep them healthy and alive. You envy their innocence, how they see the world as rainbows and sunshine. You want to keep them from the harsh reality, the doom and gloom of the world you live in. You want them to have a good education and turn out better than you did. You provide all you can for them and only hope that it will not be in vain.

Your younger days are over. You are past the retirement age and no longer have the privilege of working for a better future. Your greatest companion is what you had done while you were growing, your legacy. You are worried that all you worked for is being trampled on and unappreciated. You reminisce on every mistake you had made and how you should have corrected them but it’s too late. You hope for many things like a smooth ride to adulthood for your descendants and peace in your time left on earth. It was not an easy ride but at least it’s gradually coming to an end.

Unlike the freedom, independence and respect children expect adulthood to come with, hefty decisions, financial struggles, mid-life crises and many more challenges are a part of what adults have to go through. There is no denying the independence that adults have but the candy and unicorn imagination that children initially have is a far cry from the reality of adulthood.

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