By Opeyemi Kareem
‘To injure, ignore, disrespect and violate the innocence of a child are among the greatest evils known to man’ – Billy Graham
Children are like soft petals. Fragile, pure and beautiful. One wrong pluck and they can be damaged forever. Child sexual abuse (CSA) is a form of child abuse in which a perpetrator intentionally initiates sexual activity with a minor. Section 29(4) of the 1999 constitution of the federal republic of Nigeria defines a minor as anyone below the age of 18 years. A minor cannot consent to any form of sexual activity. This is where the controversy lies among Nigerians but it is a fact that needs to be imprinted into the minds of every human being.
Child sexual abuse can take many forms asides penetration. Some forms of CSA include; voyeurism which is spying on a child or watching them, producing or sharing pornographic images or movies of children, lewd calls or texts to minors, masturbation in the presence of a minor, exhibitionism which is intentionally exposing oneself to a minor, fondling, among others.
Child molestation does not discriminate between genders. Young boys and girls can both be molested by adults. Usually, the perpetrators are those that have been entrusted to care for and protect the child like family members, teachers, religious leaders, close relatives, house maids and even house guests. When a child is exposed to such activities, it traumatizes them and has underlying effects. Having heard the stories of a number of people who decided to remain anonymous, it is logical to say that the effects of child molestation is a lasting one.
“I was assaulted when I was 12 years old by my art teacher back in secondary school. He would always touch my private parts and rub his hardness against my butt. I told him to stop but he never did and I didn’t try to stop him after that. I never enjoyed it. I always felt disgusted and of course I never told anyone. He got sacked after a year of him doing all those things to me but I can never forget it. It has been ten years but I swear I can still point to every spot his hands have been on my body.”
“It is not something you can forget that easily.” She said. “I didn’t realise that what he was doing to me was so serious until I grew a little bit older. My mind changed, and so did my body. I hated men. I was repulsed by their existence and what’s worse; I was angry with myself. I would chastise myself with thoughts like; I should have told someone, I should have been more assertive, I wanted it that’s why I kept quiet. Those voices have not left and they have affected every relationship I have tried to enter.”
Many adults who were sexually abused as children have confessed to psychological repression including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, dissociative disorders and self-harm. Some expressed how they sought refuge in drugs and alcohol leading to addiction. They professed that many of their relationships, both intimate and platonic, have been strained due to the trauma. They explained how much they have tried to forget it but it has not been successful. They are confronted with such painful memories time after time.
Child sexual abuse prevention programmes and strict laws are not enough to put an end to such violence against children. Although, they are effective to an extent, child sexual abuse can be prevented if certain people take action. Every person who is responsible to a child has a role to play. The first and most important thing to do is to listen to the child. Many parents or adults in charge of children fail to believe their children when they hint that they are being abused. They do not take them seriously and end up leaving the child trapped within the claws of their abuser.
“My school principal told me I have a wild imagination when I reported a teacher for touching me inappropriately. She did not believe me at all. The teacher was eventually fired but for a totally different reason. Not for what he did.” A secondary school girl said. “I couldn’t tell my parents. For one they were miles away and my principal embarrassed me to the point that I regretted saying anything in the first place.”
After getting justice, parents and guardians should be there for the child. Give them every form of help they need. Do not make them feel like you are embarrassed of them. Make them feel comfortable enough to approach you and confide in you. Remember, it is not about you, it is about them.
Sexual abuse is an unforgiveable crime no matter the age and gender. It should be frowned upon. Never encouraged. Nobody deserves to go through it. Unfortunately, some people have. Know that it never was and it never will be your fault.
Child Abuse/Sexual assault helplines
Lagos State toll free helpline: 0800 033 3333
The Ceceyara foundation toll free helpline: 0800 800 8001, 0700 700 7001
Mirabel centre: 0815 577 0000, 0805 626 8573, 0818 724 3468, 0701 349 1769
Child abuse help lines: 0808 575 3932, 0810 267 8442
Writer e-mail: opefunmikareem@gmail.com
Child sexual abuse is really terrible. I mean, even adults that go through it are traumatised for a long period of time, not to talk of someone who has to go through it as a child.
People need to do better and take responsibility abeg. It is already sad enough having to deal with it at all.